According the great Florentine poet Dante Alighieri, where will you be spending your extended retirement?
1. The Vestibule of Heck
The crime: Not being able to make up your mind
The Time: Chasing a banner back and forth forever with an insanely gibbering mob while bees sting you.
2. Limbo
The Crime: Your fine, but you never got baptized or maybe you lived before Jesus was born.
The Time: You have to live in a castle where there is no pain, but then again there is no joy. And you have to talk about stoic philosophy all the time. Noooooooooooooooo!
3. The Tunnel of the Lustful
The Crime: Screwing around.
The Time: You fly through this tunnel really fast while stuck to everyone you ever fornicated with. Transfer applications from the Castle will not be considered.
4. The Disgusting Marsh of the Gluttons
The Crime: Eating disorders
The Time: You bob up and down forever in your own vomit (and presumably everyone else's). Oh, and guess what it's raining?
5. The Big Rock Pile of the Hoarders and Spendthrifts
The Crime: Spending too much money or not spending enough.
The Time: Basically, the factions representing the two points of view spend eternity having rock fights.
6. The Marsh of the Styx
The Crime: Being Angry
The Time: Taking an eternal mud bath while being pummeled by others like you.
That's it for Upper Heck, where things are not as bad as they might be. Below that you'll find Middle and Nether Heck. I have to go pick up my wife now, so I'll have to describe those later. Or maybe you've already found your niche.
1. The Vestibule of Heck
The crime: Not being able to make up your mind
The Time: Chasing a banner back and forth forever with an insanely gibbering mob while bees sting you.
2. Limbo
The Crime: Your fine, but you never got baptized or maybe you lived before Jesus was born.
The Time: You have to live in a castle where there is no pain, but then again there is no joy. And you have to talk about stoic philosophy all the time. Noooooooooooooooo!
3. The Tunnel of the Lustful
The Crime: Screwing around.
The Time: You fly through this tunnel really fast while stuck to everyone you ever fornicated with. Transfer applications from the Castle will not be considered.
4. The Disgusting Marsh of the Gluttons
The Crime: Eating disorders
The Time: You bob up and down forever in your own vomit (and presumably everyone else's). Oh, and guess what it's raining?
5. The Big Rock Pile of the Hoarders and Spendthrifts
The Crime: Spending too much money or not spending enough.
The Time: Basically, the factions representing the two points of view spend eternity having rock fights.
6. The Marsh of the Styx
The Crime: Being Angry
The Time: Taking an eternal mud bath while being pummeled by others like you.
That's it for Upper Heck, where things are not as bad as they might be. Below that you'll find Middle and Nether Heck. I have to go pick up my wife now, so I'll have to describe those later. Or maybe you've already found your niche.
